Thursday, February 15, 2018

The next phase

From 2006 to 2016, I blogged regularly about my life, from the personal to the political and everything in between. During the past 2 years, I was so overwhelmed with life, that I found I wasn't writing as much. I wanted to write, often finding myself in the "mood", only to be sidetracked. By the time I actually had the time to write, my heart just wasn't into it.

Last year, I decided I needed a change. I renamed the blog (with big help from my pal Max!), and created a facebook to go with it. Still, it wasn't taking off as I'd liked because I still could not find the time to write. I was also plagued by the huge time gap between the old posts and new ones. I didn't know how to fill in the blanks. So much had happened and I just didn't know if I wanted to rehash it all, , and if I even wanted to. Then I realized that I was trying to force the writing, trying to fit the writing to adapt to a different lifestyle, a different me. So, I decided to do something about that.

Last week, I downloaded and archived 11 years worth of blog posts into a document, then deleted them from here permanently. I've unpublished the companion facebook page as well (to give myself a bit more time to figure out how best to use it). The point of it all is that it's time to start over. I'm not the same person I was 12 years ago. I'm not the same person I was this time last year. I feel I'm entering a new phase and as such, my writing should reflect that. Oh, if I really want to go back and read what was going on in my head back then, I can, but I've never actually found the desire to do that. Even though I've saved them all, I've never felt it necessary to read them. Maybe that's because I'm too critical of myself. I don't know that I need to go back (at this time) and re-read my thoughts as I'd probably wind up criticizing my actions, thoughts, and decisions, and wondering why I didn't say and do things differently. 

The most logical course of action was for me to set aside the old and begin anew. I haven't forgotten what I've written over the years, and I don't plan to, after all, those words that I've written are a part of me, they always will be. All of that writing is me, just a different stage of my life me.

Who we are is the collection of all the experiences we've ever had in our lives. Those experiences change us, hopefully for the better. Sometimes these experiences move us forward, sometimes they hold us back. Sometimes I take two steps forward, and three back. Sometimes I take three steps forward, and one back. Sometimes I don't take any steps in either direction, I just stay in the same place for awhile and wonder, "what am I doing here?"  That's life.

And so here I am, still wondering, and still trying to figure out the meaning of life, the meaning of it all, and of course.... my place in it. I am quite sure that eventually I'll be archiving the writing of this phase in my life, placing it in a nice little box with a neat bow, shelving it, and starting again. And again. And again.

And I am perfectly okay with that.