Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The age-old question...

There comes a time in every married woman's life when she asks the age-old question, the one that wives have been asking husbands since the beginning of time, the question simply known as:


Yes, that's it. That's the usual response at the moment the husband says or does something for which the meaning is understood only by said husband and possibly other married men, or just men in general. It's what the wife asks her husband when he begins twisting her words and the meaning of those words to make it look like she's the one at fault.

For example:

Husband: I'd like to go to SAMS Club sometime to pick up supplies we need to prepare for Hurricane Season.

Wife: Ok no problem, we need to save up the money though because it will cost us (wife knows that shopping at SAMS club causes men to have uncontrollable urges to buy large packages of items not on the list)

Husband: Ok when can I go?

Wife: How about the end of May? That should do it.

Husband: Ok

Two months later, when May has arrived.

Husband: Here's my list of supplies I want to get this weekend.

Wife: Ok, the list looks great. Now I have an idea, why not get toiletries and little things at the Dollar General Store and save SAMS club for the water and food items. And oh yeah, why not buy these things a bit at a time instead of one trip? Instead of taking $250-300 out of savings at once, why not prioritize the items and buy them in a few trips? (wife knows that prioritizing the most urgent items first will ensure they are purchased first and doing the shopping in increments assures that the husband won't get out of control in his spending. This of course is explained to the husband in detail via email back and forth at work)

Husband: Screw it, we don't need to prepare, we'll just wait till something happens. You always do this, you tell me I can do something and then you take it back. You said you were putting away the $$ to do this and now you didn't.

Wife: Uh yes we need to prepare, and yes I did put the money away but why take it all out when you can do it in increments and do it right.

Husband bitches that wife is always changing her mind, wife bitches to husband that every time she has an idea or opinion different from his, he just decides to say "screw it". Wife tells husband he's an "all or nothing" guy meaning that either it has to be his way and all at once or not at all.

Husband finally tells wife she can start making all the household and life decisions, he's not going to even bother anymore.

Wife says---- WTF?

Now many women would love making all the decisions but really that's just not for this wife. It's too much responsibility. Why should she be stuck with the burden of making all the decisions? Oh hell no! The husband is going to suffer along with his wife or else.

Now the wife isn't entirely guilt-free here, yes she does change her mind at times but you know what? It's just the way it is. Women have changed their minds since the beginning of time, much longer than men have been shopping at wholesale clubs. Other than changing her mind every now and then I think the wife is pretty damn easygoing, don't ya think? Hmm...

The conversation between the husband and wife of course doesn't end there. It leads to another hour's worth of WTF moments........many, many, many of them.

Frankly I'm all WTF'd out, all I can manage now is just a simple little "Oy vey" and we won't even get started on that one!


  1. Makes living at home with the folks seem rather pleasant, doesn't it?

  2. Not really. I like my life. Tell me you and dad didn't argue and he didn't act like he knew it all...yeah ok LOL I remember those days!!!

  3. Anonymous5/10/2006

    I hate to laugh at your pain, but that was a funny post. Quite honestly, it sounds like you are being a little nit-picky. He asked, you made a deal, and then you changed the rules. I think you should just go and get it all over with at once. I understand how easy it is to over indulge, but every little trip just gives an added opportunity.

    Isn't marriage wonderful?--ST

  4. Anonymous5/10/2006

    What are you fighting about. You both want the same thing. Don't sweat the small stuff. Save fighting for something that really matters. Like, what to watch on TV. Whose going to take out the trash. Whose going to mow the grass and my favorite, does this outfit make me look fat. RT

  5. LOL Robert, I'm imagining Susan saying "does this outfit make me look fat?" and then you trying to convince her it doesn't! LOL

  6. Most certainly a WTF moment. I have those quite often w/ the hubby too. They just always make me wonder.

  7. Anonymous5/11/2006

    Classic case of the genders taking in the exact same information, processing it and arriving at totally different conclussions. Undoubtedly he was thinking WTF? too.

    I can only bring my male perspective to this. So, filter accordingly. But... it looks to me like you are making all of the decisions. He's asking your permission as if he were your child and you are granting it as if you were his parent. So he's probably thinking that not only had he already received your permission but then you changed the rules which he has to abide by.

    Try this: Switch the names in this dialogue where she's the one asking permission and he's the one granting it. Then see if perhaps your take on the incident changes.

    Incidently, I've always been very attracted to strong willed women. It's not a bad thing to be strong willed. But, it does take some self-discipline to squelch it a bit for the sake of the relationship. My long-time girlfriend is very much a control freak. But, she has learned to hold back on it so that our relationship will be one among equals. And it works.

    I wouldn't change her for anything in the world. The fact that she knows that her desire to control everything isn't always healthy or the right thing to do... and she holds back on it because she loves me and wants to treat me the same way that she wants me to treat her... just makes me love her that much more.

    Embrace your inner control freak. But, try to walk a mile in his shoes from time to time and adjust accordingly.

  8. Hi Anonymous, welcome!

    Your post did make me think. If this helps in giving us advice---he never asks permission for anything, I would hate for either of us to have to do that. But what we do is check with each other about certain things in case the other has an alternative plan in mind. When we got married we fell into certain roles and I fell into the financial guru role while he was just fine with me doing all the bills and stuff. Guess I inherited that from my folks, that's how they did it and it always worked. My DH knows who we pay, and what our montly payments are, an approximate amount of what is in savings and checking, but he couldnt' give you specifics like I could give to him. Anyway the reason he "asked" if he could go to SAMS was that we have a rule that either time either one of us wants to spend an amount more than we usually spend which is anywhere from $50 - $100 or more(we're cheap!)we check with each other. We encourage each other to buy something when we need it, but if there's larger ticket item(s) then we say "hey do you mind..." and DH does that faithfully every time he wants to go to Lowe's, SAMS, Home Depot, etc. He would want to make sure that our six month car insurance payment isn't due that pay period or that I'm not expecting to make a double or triple payment on a credit card. So thats kinda the way it is. In retrospect I do change my mind a lot, but I guess I was used to just doing what "I" wanted for so many years that sometimes I forget that my decisions now affect someone else. Don't think DH is the problem all the time, he's not, I am too. Let's just say that we can both be controlling about different things and both be impatient about things. But one thing is that each of us needs to sit back and consider the feelings of the other person. :)

    I hope you will come back for more!!

  9. Anonymous5/11/2006

    That does help, actually. Sounds much more like a partnership between equals... which is a good thing.

    For what it's worth, I get a very strong vibe from you that tells me that you are strong willed, which is why I talked about that in the previous comment. And I would bet money, even though I don't know him at all, that your being strong willed is one of the qualities that your husband finds most attractive about you, even though it probably is also one of the main sources of friction between you as well. That's how it is with my GF and I too. And I wouldn't trade her for anyone or anything.

    As I said before: embrace your inner control freak. IOW, you gotta be true to yourself. Just temper it by trying to put yourself in his shoes from time to time and adjust accordingly. Bonus points are always accrued by openly communicating any adjustments and I've always found that reciprocal adjustments get made too... which just strengthens the relationship.

    Best wishes.

  10. Yes I am strong willed, and I married an extremely strong willed man. Both my best friend and my therapist have referred to our marriage as a "power struggle" :)

    Hey I don't know what the struggle is about, if he'd just do what I tell him to do... LOL J/K

  11. Ah, married life. Gotta love it. Sounds like my house.

  12. I think or say WTF

    My husband is passive aggressive (and HATES when I saw that)

    Lately I take extra care to be a clear communicator so less problems arise.