Thursday, July 27, 2006

When your body hurts

My chiro tells me today that I popped a rib, that's why my back and chest hurt. Sunday when I woke up I was fine, took a morning shower and when I got out the entire upper left side of my back felt like someone hit me hard. It hurt like hell to inhale. I alternated heat and ice and it helped. Today it just feels like it's having spasms.

God what is with this thirtysomething syndrome? I hate it. I have NEVER felt like this in my whole life. I get headaches and my neck, shoulders, back, and legs ache. I feel warm a lot, I get unusual spasms in my muscles. My muscles are tight all the time. My skin feels sensitive, one slight touch hurts, I get these weird pains in my legs and stomach like a little knife is being twisted in there. I get tired for no reason and want to cry over something as silly as an episode of the Golden Girls.

What in hell is going on? My life is average, why is this happening?

A few years ago I felt like this and I went through all kinds of tests. No lupus, no rheumatoid arthritis. They said I was mildly depressed. They wanted to put me on meds. I said NO. I want to handle this another way. Eventually I saw a psychologist last summer, she is awesome, recommended through a good friend of mine. Well we saw each other several times, it helped but then I couldn't go back, got too busy. Now I live farther away and just can't get a time where we can both meet. So I am back on my own again. I miss talking to her because she helped me put things in perspective. She used to tell me I can't control everything, you only get once chance to live, concentrate on yourself, etc. Yeah Jeannie was right, she really was. If only I could heed those words...

I told DH the other night....."I wish I could check myself into a mental hospital, you know one of those nice ones where you can roam free" LOL I just got fed up with the world and decided I needed to get away from everyone and everything in my life and sort it all out. Mind you, it's NOT the people in my life that are getting to me, it's my inability to deal with them. I worry about everyone and I feel this need to be in control of everything. Everything has to be just so and hunky dory for me to be happy.

I'm going to try the serenity prayer, you know accepting the things I cannot change, having the courage to change the things I can, etc etc. I wish I knew if this is all in my head or if there's something physically wrong with me. I am going for my annual bloodwork and doc appt tomorrow and maybe we can start there. But you know what folks? Chances are it's all in my head...again.

Don't worry, I'll be fine. Everyone goes through some sort of "shit" and this is mine. DH and I have a three-day weekend, I have a blogathon coming up (eek!) and then I go back to work next week for three days and then I have a four day weekend. Maybe somewhere in there I can find some time to regroup. Ya think?
...

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7/27/2006

    Aaah! We have turned into the aged and decrepid(sp). Robert has cluster headaches and joint problems. It moves from back to knee to elbow to ankle. I have a hyatal hernia (sp, again) and high blood pressure. Not to mention, I think I'm loosing some of my brain cells. I think they are just overworked :) Maybe one day we can all be in the same old folks home and pull mean pranks on the staff!

    Good luck with your tests and I hope you feel better soon! Love, ST

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