Saturday, August 26, 2006

What my dad taught me...

Pops taught us a lot growing up including appreciating Star Trek. I have it on all day on Saturdays while I am working on my class assignments. I guess it's sentimental because we used to watch it with dad when we were kids. Dad's the kind of guy who can watch the first three minutes and know exactly what the entire episode is about. Back in 1997 I recorded a Sci-Fi marathon in which I recorded seven tapes worth of ST episodes.

Well this Saturday is no different, I just watched "The Trouble With Tribbles" on the G4 network's all day Star Trek Saturday and OMG I was laughing my ass off again. Truly you had to actually watch it to appreciate the humor in it. But you trekkies will appreciate the following script from my favorite scene in the bar...

Klingons: The earthers like those fuzzy things, don't they? Well, frankly, I never liked earthers. They remind me of Regulan blood worms.

Chekov: That Cossack.

Scotty: Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving.

Chekhov: No.

Klingon: I just remembered. There is one earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan blood worm. That's Kirk. A Regulan blood worm is soft and shapeless, but Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering,overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood, but he's not soft.

Scotty to Chekhov: Take it easy, lad. Everybody's entitled to an opinion.

Klingon: That's right, and if I think that Kirk is a Denibian slime devil, well, that's my opinion, too.

Scotty holding Chekhov back from punching the Klingon: Don't do it, and that's an order.

Chekov: You heard what he called the captain.

Scotty: Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults. Now, drink your drink.

Klingon: Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We -- we really do. That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it. That's why they're learning to speak Klingoni.

Scotty: Laddie, don't you think you should ...rephrase that?

Klingon: You're right. I should. I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage.

A fight breaks out and Kirk investigates: I want to know who started it. I'm waiting.
Freeman, who started the fight?

Freeman: I don't know, sir.

Kirk: All right. Chekov. I know you. You started it, didn't you?

Chekov: No, sir, I didn't.

Kirk: Who did?

Chekov: I don't know, sir.

Kirk: "I don't know, sir." I want to know who threw the first punch. (Silence) All right You're all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed. Scotty, not you. You were supposed to prevent trouble, Mr. Scott.

Scott: Aye, Captain.

Kirk: Who threw the first punch?

Scotty: Um ...

Kirk: Scotty.

Scotty: I did, Captain.

Kirk: You did, Mr. Scott? What caused it, Scotty?

Scotty: They insulted us, sir.

Kirk: Must have been some insult.

Scotty: Aye, it was.

Kirk: You threw the first punch.

Scotty: Aye. Chekov wanted to, but I held him back.

Kirk: You held -- Why did Chekov want to start a fight?

Scotty: Um ... well, the Klingons, sir ... Is this off the record?

Kirk: No. This is not off the record.

Scotty: Well, Captain, uh ... the Klingons called you, uh ... a tin-plated, overbearing, waggering dictator with delusions of godhood.

Kirk: Is that all?

Scotty: No, sir. They also compared you with a Denibian slime devil.

Kirk: I get the picture.

Scotty: Yes, sir.

Kirk: After they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons?

Scotty: No, sir.

Kirk: No?

Scotty: No, uh ... I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.

Kirk: Oh, yes.

Scotty: Well, I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?

Kirk: What was it they said that started the fight?

Scotty: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow ... sir.

Kirk: I see. And ... that's when you hit the Klingons?

Scott: Yes, sir.

Kirk: You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they ...

Scotty: Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.

Kirk: All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Oh ... Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.

Scotty: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.

Do ya see what I mean? Just too damned funny!!!

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