Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dear Officer Asshat...

...or as I like to call him police officer who thinks his shit doesn't stink.

There's a myth floating around out there that just because you're a police officer, I have to be nice to you or you'll be a big ole meanie and take away my birthday. Oh well. If you find me acting like an asshole on campus roads, feel free. Till then, it's my blog, you shut the f*ck up and listen to what I have to say.

I know exactly who you are. I know what you look like, I know your name. I'd call your supervisor if I thought it would do any good but I doubt it will. You must think wearing the uniform gives you the right to break the law and drive like a friggin maniac, putting the lives of the rest of us in danger. Newsflash---it doesn't!

I don't know what you do when you're in your patrol car but if it's anything close to what you do in your personal vehicle, you should have your driver's license yanked and the crap kicked out of you, preferably by one of the hundreds of drivers you've managed to piss off in the mornings on the way to work.

Every morning during the week, without fail you pass us on the way to work. And because you're such a kind and gracious person (no doubt your parents would be proud), you wait to pass your fellow motorists until they reach railroad crossings, school bus stops, double or single solid lines, or while approaching hills. Hey one time when we go to town, you were in the left lane and cut off TWO Lanes of traffic to get into the right turn lane.

Ok I get it, you're a risk taker, and that can be an admirable quality at times but my husband and I would appreciate that while you're so willing to end your life in such a noble and violent manner, we're just not quite ready for that yet.

Now because I'm on anti-depressants or just maybe it's the Midol talking, and "they" say we should all have at least one good thing to say about someone else, I'll say something nice about you.

If nothing else, you're consistent. You're consistent in acting like a big fat asshole on the road every single morning of the week.

And by the way, if you're going to act like a big fat asshole bully you could at least be driving a big fat nasty bully pickup truck with a"#3" or "God Bless Dale Earnhardt" in big letters on the back windshield. But no, you have to drive some bullshit little ugly ass sedan. You should be ashamed. You're doing it all wrong.

Now that I've had my say, I feel better. I can't stop you from acting like an asshole on the road but I can call the FHP and have them sitting out there waiting for you in the mornings. Or better yet how about the county sheriff? They just love having to interrupt their morning eggs and coffee and time with their family before work just so they can sit out there and babysit on some lonely rural road because some worthless jackass can't wake up on time and decides to put the lives of dozens of innocent people at risk.

Just so you know, I am a normally rational woman. But should you wind up killing or injuring someone on the road during one of your race-capades to work, I will personally see to it you spend the rest of your sorry life behind bars.

Have a nice day,



  1. This guy is a regular PIA, huh? Don't we have a friend in UPD? Maybe we should take her to lunch, you know, for old times sake, and see what she has to say. She was always very creative. If this guy is a cop and violating the rules, he needs to be reminded that his job is to "serve and protect" not to "barge and endanger."

  2. Yeah I totally forgot ahout our pal there, perhaps you are right, not to mention that taking her to lunch would be more like a re-enactment of Saturday Night Live than lunch anyway eh? LOL

  3. Hey Jess here's a thought, how about I take off one day and I go make the rural drive to Gatortown on this asswipes route. I can surely guarantee he'll never be the same again, better yet I'll do it on a day I decide not to take I'm feeling moody. LOLOL I really hope this ass-munch doesn't cause you to be in an accident, this moron has pissed me off already just knowing he is jeapordizing my sister's safety. Call TV-20, granted they really suck when you compare them to a real TV station, but hey, what ya gonna do in the stix. Make a real stink, it's election time, someone's gotta be real interested to know what moral ground the higher ups take when it comes to their idiot officers taking risks with the voters lives on a daily trip to work. If that doesn't work, I'd be more than happy to kick the living shit out of the dumbass that applied and rec'd his drivers' license through a box of frosted flakes, no pun intended LOLOL.

  4. LOL I'll give you a reply once I stop rolling on the floor laughing MY ASS OFF! That was great sis, love you too!!!

  5. Well, I say we call cousin Guido in Newark and ask him to drive down and do us a favor. Whatcha think?

  6. I know I posted before, but I just had to tell you that I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF THAT BLOG!!!! Running into that moron on the road every morning would almost make it worthwhile to work in Gainesville again...

  7. Anonymous10/11/2006

    You may as well just avoid the guy if he's a cop. Cops protect cops and that's just the way it is. Although it does provide alot of entertainment by way of a hysterical post.--ST

  8. Great post. See if you can get this guy's tag number next time.

    I recently witnessed a UPD car tailgating someone through a red light. This sort of behavior is unacceptable. I am hoping that if I start recording such incidents on a public web site, they will start to behave.