Now if I know my mom she's going to start feeling bad and make negative comments on this post about the situation. Mom, before you feel sad and make negative comments about the situation, don't. Believe it or not, despite the situation--I am happy and am optimist about the future. I also know that we just cannot make two people see eye to eye if they do not want to. You know that. Everyone has a different personality and sometimes you cannot change someone no matter how hard you try. We cannot force these kinds of situations to be like we want them to be. This is one of those situations where we are dealing with two obstinate people. And I for one, while I am an optimist about things working out, I am not going to use up all my creative energies trying to make the situation what I want it to be.
Like mom, I have the ability to see both sides of a situation. And like mom I am a placater, I feel the need to mediate, work things out between warring factions. But I have found that the placaters, the mediators, in the family sometimes suffer the most if they persist on matters working out to their satisfaction. I often remind DH of the serenity prayer which may seem hokey to many but I am learning to live by:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Honestly when a situation doesn't go my way, I sit back and ask myself is it something I can change? And if I can't change it, do I have the courage to sit back and let it go? Most people will probably find that difficult, but it's because we're human. It takes an extreme amount of willpower to let something go that is beyond one's control. In my situation, I have let go of what I can't control, and I find such peace in it even though the situation itself is a bit sad and frustrating. If I were to focus my energies on it, I would be a mess. Those who care about me would rather see me happy and so now maybe they understand a little bit more about why I just incorporate the situation into my life and accept it for what it is, instead of using up my energies to fix it. Does that make sense? I am not a religious person but I do pray, and I do believe that what will be, will be, regardless of how we humans intervene and try to twist and turn things to suit us. Que sera sera or something like that.
On the whole I enjoyed my Thanksgiving. Instead of focusing on what I don't have or what I can't change, I focus on what I do have and what I can change. I am thankful for being alive and healthy, I am thankful for a husband who I love and trust, I am thankful for my mom and dad who brought me into the world and saw me through some pretty tough times and love me for who I am and encourage me to be all I can be. I am thankful for my sister who, even though she is terribly critical of herself, she is a gift to me, she is the best sister anyone could ever ask for. I am thankful for my brother who, despite the fact I don't see or hear from him, is a decent guy. I am thankful for my grams who was there for me all my life when I felt I had nobody else to turn to. I am thankful for my aunt, my mamaw in Georgia, my cousins, uncles, all my family period. I am thankful for my job, a good job which pays well and gives great benefits like health insurance and a tuition waiver for college. I am thankful I work in a department where I love the people I work with---well at least most of them. I am thankful for not having any illnesses, diseases or conditions that limit my lifestyle or lifespan. I am thankful for living in America where I can write and speak freely, attend college, own property, vote, and make my own life choices.
I am especially grateful to be alive. Somehow, someway, with all the shit I have done in my life, God has seen fit to allow me to wake up every morning just one more time. I know from having lost people I cared about--people who went to bed one day and just never woke up, who went in for a simple operation and died freakishly and unexpectedly, who one day were healthy and the next day found out they had cancer or a brain tumor and only had weeks to live, who got into their car and wound up in an fatal accident, who got in their car one day to run a simple errand only to be gunned down by a carjacker--I know that every day we wake up and take another breath is a good day. We only get one chance at life and this is it. I just hope I'm doing it right!