Sunday, December 17, 2006

Mommy's little piggy...you'll shoot your eye out kid...

"My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years. "

"You'll shoot your eye out kid"

"Oh my god, I shot my eye out! "

"I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. "

"Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuudddddggggge."

"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! "

"Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind. "


"Sons of bitches! Bumpuses! "

"All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in. "

"My old man's spare tires were only actually tires in the academic sense. They were round and had once been made of rubber. "

"NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare. "

"He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny."


"Aunt Clara had for years not only perpetually labored under the delusion that I was 4 years old, but also a girl."

"Over the years I got to be quite a connossieur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand... YECCHH! "

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!"

"Some men are Baptists, others Catholics, my father was an Oldsmobile man. "

2 comments:

  1. OMG!! I love that film!!!

    Now, in my lifetime, my mother never told me I'd shoot my eye out.............instead she would simply say, "go ahead and do what you want, but if you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me".....

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  2. And guess what? It's on 24 hours on TBS Christmas Eve. I got lucky and caught it on TCM Sunday evening!!

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