"My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years. "
"You'll shoot your eye out kid"
"Oh my god, I shot my eye out! "
"I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. "
"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! "
"Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind. "
"Sons of bitches! Bumpuses! "
"All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in. "
"My old man's spare tires were only actually tires in the academic sense. They were round and had once been made of rubber. "
"NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare. "
"He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny."
"Aunt Clara had for years not only perpetually labored under the delusion that I was 4 years old, but also a girl."
"Over the years I got to be quite a connossieur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand... YECCHH! "
"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!"
"Some men are Baptists, others Catholics, my father was an Oldsmobile man. "