Sunday, January 14, 2007

Weird...

I had a dream last night about my gramps, who died at the age of 68 on July 16, 1984. In the dream, he was in the hospital for many years in another town and finally we received the phone call on July 20th that he had died the week before. Nobody had called us when he died, they just waited till the following week. I was sad, I was angry. And then my grams came over to get a photo album I had of lots of pics of my gramps and I couldn't find the album, it was at work somewhere. So when I got to my office, there were two albums on a shelf there and those were it so I got them and was going to give them to her but I don't remember what happened after that.

Another thing that happened in that dream is that I was mad because I kep thinking that gramps may have woken up before he died and we weren't there. I mean he was in a semi-coma from painkillers, what if it wore off? And then in the dream I was also angry because they got rid of his body, it wasn't cremated, wasn't buried, I'm not sure what they did with it, but it was gone. And I kept thinking "what if he woke up and we weren't there? what if he was asking for us?" and it made me angry that nobody told us he was gone.

This dream about my gramps being in the hospital for many years isn't new. I've had dozens of dreams about him in the last few years. In many of them, I seem to ask "why didn't anyone tell me?"

Tell me what?

In the dreams I feel anger for not being able to say goodbye to him, angry nobody told us he had died. In one dream I was sitting at the kitchen table with him at their house in Miami and my mom and dad and grams were behind us in the kitchen and I turned to them and said "see, I told you so". I remember telling my mom that dream and she was perplexed too. We both thought that since I hadn't dreamt of gramps in years, maybe he was finally trying to communicate with me. Maybe he couldn't before because I wasn't "ready" for it?

For the record, we we did have a chance to say goodbye to him. My mom and dad, my grams and my aunt were all at the VA hospital with him the night before he died. And we three kids got to say goodbye to him and then dad brought us home. A few hours after, we got the phone call from mom that he was gone.

I also had a dream last night that I loaned my brother my car and also I loaned it to my sister. When I was ready to go to work, I couldn't find my car, it was at work, parked somewhere. I somehow got to work and was looking in the parking lot for it but couldn't find it and I got wet from the rain and finally called my sister and she told me where she parked it. By that time it was already close to noon. How did I get to work to search for it if I didn't have a car to get to work?

And yet in another dream I was on a ship or something, or something near the water and there was lots of rain and it was overcast. I had lost something and couldn't find it. I remembered the dream vividly when I woke up this morning but now I can't remember. Which goes to show I should have written it down when I woke up.

I wonder what all this means...

I am reading a book, or rather I was reading it till I got busy but I only have a few pages left so I should finish it and give it back to my mom. It's by Harold Sherman and it's titled "The Dead are Alive, they can and do communicate with you" and it's fascinating and about the research involving people who have been contacted from people who have passed on. As Harold Sherman puts it: "Every individual passes through eath to experience greater life. From this infinitely wider world of innumerable dimenstions, the dead have much to tell us, if we're receptive to their message."

None of us who are alive knows what is really beyond this living world. Some speculate, some don't know or don't care, others have faith. I think that life does continue in one form or another and perhaps it is a continuing experience, we just keep going on living in different forms. There's an awful lot of research by an awful lot of credible people who are in the profession and also just normal everyday folks like me, who have been contacted. I do not think they're all making this up.

I think that this can be reconciled with all religions too. I don't recall anything in the Bible that says we do not go on living in some form and that we cannot communicate with those who are still here. Maybe someone can give me some info on that one.

Maybe gramps is trying to tell me something? And if he is...what is it? And why now, in these last five years or so instead of years earlier? Was I just not mentally receptive to it? Well I might have been but maybe my conscious self wasn't?

Hmm...

5 comments:

  1. I've had many dreams about Grampa. I think they occur mostly when I'm having some sort of difficulty in my life. It's almost like he knows when I need him and he's there. Of course it's his spirit that makes contact with my subconscious while I'm dreaming. Maybe he comes to you when you also need him.

    I think that when we keep someone in our mind and our hearts, even after they leave this world, it keeps their spirit close to us.

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  2. It could very well be that he is not trying to tell you something, but you are trying to ask him something. I remember you were always Grandpas favorite and you hung on his ever word, he was a wise man and gave good advice. I should know I often went to him for his opinion. So think if he were here what would you ask him.

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  3. Hi mom and dad you make good points. If gramps was here I am not sure what I'd ask him. I wish he were though. I think he loved all of us the same, I never thought I was his favorite, but I tell ya that I think we kids were cheated out of having more time with him.

    I also think that perhaps because the stage dad is at in his life, I could be thinking about how we can keep him around longer and not lose him the way mom and Aunt Joann lost gramps. I know it sounds silly but honestly, gramps death could have been prevented and I am sure there was a lot of guilt going around and people saying "if only". I sometimes say about dad "if only" as if I had any power to change his habits.

    Mom lost her father young, I don't want to go through that.

    Maybe if gramps were here I'd just ask him "what do to" about life period? :) I think that we were cheated out of that opportunity, not by God, but by gramps who really couldn't foresee how his actions would have such dire consequences on those he left behind.

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  4. You know, I think you're right. We usually think about ourselves in terms of what we do with our lives, but I doubt that any of us think about how our actions and choices for ourselves will affect our family. Maybe we should all think about this more.

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  5. Hey, what say when I get my Ouija board in the mail, we get together and try to contact Grampa? I'll bet he's got alot to say to us. you know how he was.

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