Thursday, February 22, 2007

A crazy dysfunctional insane family is really the only family for me...

Someone asked me the other day "why do you use the word dysfunctional when describing your family?"

I just replied "what? doesn't everyone?"

Surely he was joking.

He had to be, right?

I mean come on, isn't dysfunctional normal? I don't believe it when someone talks about their perfect family, their wonderful husband, their adorable and sweet 2.5 children, their absolutely wonderful relationship with their in-laws and the whole family getting along, family dinners, family vacations, and just great times all around. No drama, no crisis, no temper tantrums, fighting, arguing, kicking and screaming?

Come on, get real. If there's no drama, crisis, insanity, arguing, tantrums, kicking and screaming, smashing barbecue grills up against trees (hmm WHO does that I ask? LOL) then it's just NOT normal.

For instance, take my family....please LOL.

Ok seriously take my family....PLEASE. LOL

Ok now for real, enough of my really sorry impression of Henny Youngman (how many of you even know who Henny Youngman is? That's what I thought!) Now take my family for instance...they're normal to a point. I mean if mom weren't nagging dad, if dad weren't rolling his eyes and telling her to quit nagging him and if my grandmother weren't constantly telling everyone ELSE how it's supposed to be done, and if my sister wasn't calling to tell us that she's still looking for a job, if my brother called even ONCE to say hello, and if I wasn't trying to constantly trying to convince my husband that my parents really are nice people, and if there was no guilt--guilt for not calling enough, not visiting enough, guilt for not being a good enough wife, or son, or husband, or daughter, or grandmother, or granddaughter, or WHATEVER, and if there wasn't some kind of major drama or crisis in this family.....

Then WHAT would be the point of living? I ask you---does the human being NOT thrive on a challenge? When things are tough aren't we at our best?

I mean who cares if high school sweethearts Janie and Skippy got engaged after they attended Harvard and have been married 12 years now and have twin girls named Saylor and Taylor, and a dog named Toto, a two-story house in Smallville with a white picket fence. Who cares if Janie is a schoolteacher and Skippy is an important executive of some silly company. Who cares that they make so much money they can take big family vacations with their in-laws, put a ton of money into their IRA's every year and are saving for their kids college education? The problem here is that there's no drama in Janie and Skippy's house--

---or is there?

Janie is a closet lesbian and Skippy has a drinking problem. And oh yes, Saylor and Taylor are skipping class and smoking dope behind the gym with their friends who happen to have tattoos, body piercings and dress in Goth.

Now we're talking NORMAL!

Ok so I don't call or visit as much as I should, and maybe I put too much international delight in my coffee, and for that matter so WHAT if I go off my weight watchers points occasionally, so what if at work I get a little pissy sometimes? So what if my mother nags my father, my father rolls his eyes and tells her to "stifle", my grandmother sighs, my sister is constantly trying to "find herself", my brother never calls, my parents dog is overweight. So what if every member of my family is occasionally cranky, annoying, bitchy, whiney, kicking and screaming?

What is WRONG with all that I ask you?


That's the thing called my life and love it or hate it, it is what it is and honestly I don't think I'd give it up for anything!


  1. Anonymous2/23/2007


  2. I never knew there was any other way to live. :-)