She started her public life as a young, thin, gorgeous model; after that, people expected her to always look like that. However, inside I think she was just trying to find her place in the world, a place where she was not judged based solely on her looks but as a person. The thing is, she just did not know how to be that person or do it any other way but in public and by being extravagant and outrageous. We all know how the public can treat a celebrity who does not live up to the image; the public and the media can be very cruel and unforgiving. In addition, we all know the media was at times very hard on Anna.
I guess one of the reasons I liked Anna so much was that she tried so hard to be herself even when she changed her look a million times and tried to be someone she was not, I think she was ultimately trying very hard to just be herself. I know what that is like--to wonder whom the real you is and try so hard to be yourself you wind up a million miles away from it. When Anna gained weight, the public shunned her and in the face 0f the ridicule, she held her head high and became even more controversial with her risqué and outrageous style. I think she was saying to people "screw you if you don't like the way I look, do I look like I give a damn?" Oh sure, she played off that image don't get me wrong, I don't think for a moment she didn't know what she was doing, but I do think she did give a damn and I think it hurt.
When DH and I were on our way home yesterday and heard the news, we both were stunned and we felt bad about it. I guess it is because we remember her when she first started out when she had so much promise, and she was so young, only two years older than I was. Anna had her whole life ahead of her. She was not a bad person; she just made some choices maybe other people would not have made. However, I think she was trying to find her place in life, a place where she could feel happy and comfortable. I do not think she ever found it, but at least when her son was alive, she had someone who really loved and needed her just for "her" and not her image. When he died, I think it took much of her zest for life; she did not seem the same afterwards.
When you take away all the makeup, lifestyle and celebrity status, she was just the girl from Mexia, Texas who quit school in the 9th grade so she could try and find something better than what her life had given her up to that point. The rest......is history.
RIP Vickie Lynn Hogan. I hope that in death, you find the peace that you so desperately sought in life.