Oh why does it have to be so difficult?
Here I am just a few days from turning 38 and I wonder how it all came to this. I'm intelligent and capable of doing just about anything I put my mind to or at least I thought so till now. For the most part I think I'm quite likeable, I have a great sense of humor, I work hard, I'm a decent person. I am kind to elderly people, animals, children and the mentally ill. I donate to charity on a regular basis, and not so long ago I was kinda cute.
I thought my life was life headed in the right direction. Although I can be a pain in the ass at times I think I've been a pretty decent daughter, granddaughter, friend, sister, wife, student, and employee. I try to help my family and friends when I can. I care about my students at work, the guys I work with, my job, I put a lot into it. My mom brags to her friends about me, my dad thinks I'm a great kid, my closest friends Deb, Susan, Jennifer, KY, Jeanette think I am wonderful and have been so supportive of me in my endeavors. Even DH who has been supportive of my efforts will now be doubting me. And then at work--oh what will they say there? What rumors will pervade the hallways? What will the students say? Will Jeff, Al and Kathy be ashamed to have been my friend? To have worked with me? To have even known me?
What will all of them think of me now?
All of the hard work my parents put into molding me to be a great human being, the military experience, the education and work experience, and all of the time and energy I have put into being the best person I can be and for what? This moment? I once thought I could do anything and now I find myself suddenly very insecure, lacking self-confidence and wondering what's left in life.
Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, Dr. Joyce Brothers, they'd all have a field day with me. Jerry Springer, Oprah, Montel, Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones--will no doubt be beating down my door now to get me on their show. Even the insufferable Larry King will be wanting to interview me to find out how a good girl went so very bad, how I had it all and lost it overnight.
What will become of me?
With everything people say I have going for me, how could I fail so miserably? Here I sit pondering where I went wrong in life, how did I get to this point? How did it all come down to this one moment? One defining moment in time.
Today is my day of infamy.
I mean after all, it shouldn't be that difficult to remove the allergy/sinus tablets from the foil packet.