Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Hey...someone stole my trash!

DH and I arrived home from work about 4:15 p.m. yesterday afternoon. Because he had school that evening I immediately began cooking dinner. After he left, I took the garbage out and set the bag on the back porch. I hated walking out to the pole barn to dump the trash so I was hoping DH wouldn't mind doing it either when he got home that evening or when we left for work the next morning. At about 6:45-7:00 I cleaned the kitty litter box in the kitchen and took it outside to the special sealed kitty litter garbage pail we keep on the back porch. As I walked out there I thought I would take the garbage bag and stuff it into the kitty litter garbage pail so that no animals would get into it overnight, after all we live in the woods and any number of critters would love to have at that bag.

But my plans were thwarted when to my surprise when I walked out to the porch, the full-size garbage bag which had been placed on the porch, under the window, was gone. Only a small stain was left where something had leaked. I was puzzled and kept thinking that maybe DH came back to pick up his welding gloves and then left again for school but then I remembered he'd gotten his new welding gloves out of his shop as soon as we came home. Besides if he came back, he'd come in and let me know. But for lack of a better answer I just figured he did it.

I went back into the house, locked the bottom lock on the door, left the blinds slightly open because it wasn't dark yet, and I proceeded to go into the office to study.

When DH returned home from school at about 10 pm I asked him about the trash and he said he hadn't taken it out. I thought for sure he was playing a joke and that maybe I'd taken it out before he left and not afterwards like I'd originally thought. I tried to make him laugh--you know laughing with him for the purpose of getting it out of him. No dice. He laughed but figured I'd been wrapped up so much that evening on the phone with my sister (her kitty kat was badly in need of surgery and DH and I were helping her out) that maybe I was upset and didn't even remember putting the trash in the can.

I would remember because I hate doing it and I had never put on my shoes that evening, I walked around the house in my fuzzy new lavender colored birthday slippers! I wouldn't dare wear those outside!

On the way to work Tuesday morning, DH and I discussed the matter again, something didn't set right with us. Where was our trash? Granted, I'm not a big fan of trash but still it was there and then it wasn't so something had to take it. Nearly halfway to work DH told me to turn the car around that we were going home. Something didn't set right with us, and if someone was casing our house we needed to be a step ahead of them. We went home and of course argued on the way home because DH thought that I had just forgotten I'd taken it out and that now we had to go home and waste a perfectly good work day, and I was yelling at him for not believing me. I mean HELLO how did I know he didn't do it and forget? He's the one who has to check the back door ten times to be sure it's locked before he can go to sleep at night. He's the one who can't remember if he unplugged the coffee pot. Anyway when we got back home about 7 am, we went outside and searched around the house, through the woods behind us, and on either side. We searched the acres of woods next to us and we walked down the grated dead end road in front of our house. There was NO and I mean absolutely NO sign of our trash.

My dad was trying to offer solutions. He asked if a dog could have walked away with it. I thought that was a silly question but he said one time he was driving down the road and saw a dog as big as BuddyBean (their 90 lb golden retriever) trotting down the road with a trash bag. Ok our trash bag weighed maybe 15-20 pounds at the most. No way. No way a dog could have gotten up on the porch and picked it up and walked away. Any good dog would have torn into that thing because of the few but stinky leftovers in it. Hell, any good wild animal would have done that.

Our trash bag never turned up. Now the theory of Achem's razor is that the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. Ok so let's explore the possibilities here:

1) My dog ate it. Oh wait I don't have a dog. Someone else's dog ate it.


2) Wild animals thought "ooh let's play a joke on some stupid fool!" and carried it off. Not likely--the bag would have been too heavy!

3) Someone stole it.

4) Aliens abducted it.

I'm going with door #3 although I must say that I firmly believe that aliens would likely abduct available trash so as to analyze the habits of potential abductees. But for the record and so the people I know don't think I'm more insane than they already konw me to be, I'm just going to stick with the idea that someone stole it.

Of course does anyone know where Sandy Berger was Monday night?


  1. Anonymous10/11/2007

    Maybe the sun vaporized it?

  2. Well with global warming and all..... :)

  3. Anonymous10/12/2007

    It could be someone pulling a prank.
    You could always set up a camera.