Friday, December 14, 2007

I'm too nice..

I like being a nice person. I think being a nice gal is the real me. I rather enjoy joking and laughing and smiling. All my life I've been a pretty happy go lucky person. Oh I've had my moments but the real me is not a bitch. Oh of course every now and then I have to be a bitch, which is ok, cause it's so rare. But it's not the real me.

Now let me just say I don't start arguments at home. (But I always seem to wind up in one, usually defending myself!) Oh sure I've swept the kitchen floors five to six times in one day because DH would track dirt into the house and prior to the sixth time I said "did you wipe your feet?" and he says yes and I wind up sweeping one last time. But even then I don't yell. I get pissed off and sigh a little but I don't raise my voice. I have been known to slam a few doors and such but nothing major.

But I am so sick of arguing. And today I found myself actually screaming at the top of my lungs "SHUT THE F*CK UP!"

Rewind to this afternoon. DH and I were on the way home from work. We were traveling down the always-bumper-to-bumper Newberry Road when DH suggested we take a shortcut down 51st street. I said "ok" and proceeded to do that till I realized I turned down the wrong street. Well he hits the roof, I mean he was livid, and all the time I'm saying "it's no big deal, I'll turn around" and seriously, it took me a few seconds to turn around and get back where I needed to be. Moments later we were headed north on 51st street towards Buchholz High School.

No big deal.


Wrong. DH couldn't let it go that I made a wrong turn.

And I'm thinking "big f'in deal".

And so all the way down 51st street I had to listen to him bitching and hollering. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and screamed at him to shut up. And of course he wouldn't. Then finally neither of us was talking and we're on the way home. He put his hand on my leg like he was sorry and I said "why don't you just apologize?" and he said "for what?" and that's when I just looked at him and said "you don't even know?" and he said "no" and I said "for yelling at me" and he said "I didn't do anything wrong".

Then he said "Sorry"

and I looked at him and said "do you know what you're apologizing for?" and he says "no" and I said "forget it, there's no sense apologizing for something if you have no idea what it's for".

So he thinks he did nothing wrong screaming at me.


You know I'm not perfect, never claimed to be and I know I have my faults! But still---for crying out loud, HELLO?

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