Saturday, January 12, 2008

Beware the little voice...

DH and I have been telling Peeps and Pebs all week that on Saturday they were going to their annual appointment at the "beauty parlor" which is in fact human terminology for "V-E-T"

Like the cats don't know what we're talking about eh? Uh-huh!

Ok so we got there today in one piece without incident and we're walking in with their carriers and whom do I see?

My junior high and high school math teacher (and coach) who I hated all through school.

My biggest problem with him? During that time he was also a Sunday preacher in the community and to me it seemed he judged me in the classroom for the little trouble I'd get myself into and I believe the perception of judgment affected how I performed in his class. That of course and the big "F" grades in bright red ink on my math assignments.

Was he a good math teacher? Probably. But it's hard to tell when you hate your teacher and think your teacher hates you. What a kid doesn't need is to walk into class feeling like they're teacher is judging them for all the stupid shit they've done in school. Peer pressure is hard enough and when a kid gets into trouble, it's really embarassing when the other students make fun of him/her but when the teachers seem biased too...that sucks.

It's not like I smoked pot. I didn't.

It's not like I drank beer. I didn't. (Well except for that time dad let us have a sip of Busch--YUKK!)

It's not like I was part of a gang! Gangs? At my school? Please!!!

I just did stupid shit. But I didn't need teacher-almighty judging me.

Anyway he was in the vet's office with his dog and sure he looked 20 years older, but generally looked the same. As I walked past him with this feeling of dread, I said "Please don't let him recognize me" cause I really didn't want to talk to him. And so when it was time to check in I asked DH to go to the counter so they wouldn't want to know my name. The less said, the better.

I wish I could have had the courage to confront him but over 20 years later, what's the point? And what would I say? I am 38 years old now, he's probably close to 60. He wasn't a bad person, just a teacher trying to do right. He was well-respected in school and in the community, his wife and kids were very nice. And I'm sure maybe, just maybe, I perceived more than what was actually there. Even I can admit that. Hell, I was a kid, it was over 20 years ago. We perceive things much clearer as an adult than as a kid.

But still, sometimes you can't help but remember and even though you try to tell yourself, it was a long time ago and we were ALL different and our perceptions as children are much different and there's much we don't understand at that age....still it's hard to put it in it's proper place and go over and introduce yourself again, smile, ask how the family's doing and act as if it never happened. Because deep down somewhere there's that little voice and it's saying........

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous1/16/2008

    Guess what! I made A's in his class, but that's because I loved math. He was a lousy teacher. He is basically a good person, but very arrogant to this day. My dear husband didn't get along with him very well back then either. Now they talk and are friendly, however, said teacher/coach rarely speaks to me these days??? Maybe it's because I homeschool. Some teachers take that as a personal attack.--ST