Friday, January 16, 2009

Most people are lucky if they can snag one ticket at a traffic stop. Try as I might, the cops just refuse to pull me over.

Now why do I want to get pulled over? Oh you know, we simple, hardworking Americans need to be kept on the straight and narrow from time to time and it being a damn-near-nanny state, I would hope the police would want to be sure to scare the crap out of me so I don't even think about breaking the law. Sometimes when I want to be a bad girl, I need the threat of a hefty fine or community service picking up trash on the side of the road to keep me in line, remind me to be a good and dutiful citizen. But I'll tell you, I do my best to get pulled over. I speed, I drive with one foot hanging out the drivers side window, I use one hand to eat and the other to talk on the phone, while driving (rather well I might add) with my left knee, I flip the cops off, I moon them as I'm driving, I even yell "hey man where's the friggin donuts?" and still I don't get pulled over.

I'm beginning to think there's some level of discrimination going on here!

And then you have others who are like police magnets. The littlest thing and they get pulled over. I don't get it, what do they have that I don't have?

Take the 34 year old man who is about to turn 35 on Sunday if his wife allows him to live that long. He truly believes he's Bo Duke and his 2004 Toyota Corolla is really the General Lee incognito. Driving through BFE he achieves the dreaded trifecta...the one that I have yearned for years to achieve---not one, not two, but THREE citations in one stop. Of course the funny thing is that as said person was being written up, he's thinking ="oh this cop won't ticket me, he'll see from my license that my birthday is in three days!" (yeah ok!)

So....said individual, the nearly but not quite there yet 35 year old male was not only 20 miles over the speed limit ("I didn't see the sign" is so lame!), but he wasn't wearing his seat belt (the old "ohhh it's too restrictive" won't really do you much good now if you're splattered all over the highway now will it?) And oh yes, said individual who is not only half-owner of the General Lee---er---I mean Toyota Corolla---but is also the person in the house who thinks the "man is in charge" (LOL!) and uses the excuse "I do stuff around the house--I take care of the car!!!" as a means of getting out of cleaning the house......yes the man whose responsibility it is to take the insurance card his wife gives him and put it in the glove compartment as part of his car upkeep responsibilities did not have a current insurance card in the glove compartment on the day he hit the trifecta!

Today he hit pay dirt--in the form of three citations totaling $407 but only $318 of which has to be paid because he will fax the insurance card to them. But still, 3 citations? $318 to be paid? Not bad for a day's work eh? And certainly the town of Baldwin, Florida which is likely facing major budget cuts which will no doubt result in the reduction of their police force from two cops and a horse to just one cop and no horse, is happy because he just raised enough money to keep the one-celled jail running this weekend for Otis, the local drunk who also serves as the town barber and mayor.

I'd just like to thank the town of Baldwin Florida for being dedicated in having both of their police officers and one horse on duty this afternoon so as to make the roads safer for the 20 or so citizens which inhabit the town. I hope that this hard-earned $318 helps feed and shelter Otis and perhaps might buy some nice drapes for his cell. If there's anything left, perhaps the town can have a parade--in my honor of course.


  1. Anonymous1/17/2009

    OMG! That is a ridiculous fine. Okay, maybe he was speeding, but $318. Are they freaking crazy? Take it easy on him, will ya. He must feel bad enough already.

    By the way, I think Vin and Lauren have the same birthday. 1-18? Lauren will be 19.~ST

  2. Maybe they were running low on bullets??

  3. he's damn luckey with his mouth he didn't get put in jail.Oh well maybe next time.

  4. $318 for no Seatbelt and 20 over the limit?? Seatbelt alone here is a minimum $471 and 20 0ver would probably buy you a $350 citation. $318 would be a bargain over here for 2 tickets. That being said, he did hit it good with the "hat trick"...sooo congratulations!

    I'm guessing your husband??
    Take care,

  5. I was going to write something but I'm laughing too hard at Pa's comment!