Saturday, March 21, 2009

Has it been this long already?

Whew, it's been 11 days since dad died and sometimes it doesn't feel real. I look at his picture and I close my eyes and remember every time in my life he was there for us, and I try to be strong. We all lost someone special. Kim, Dave and I lost our pa, mom lost her husband, grams lost her son-in-law who was really more a son to her, mamaw lost her baby boy, Annette, Judy and Martha lost their brother. No matter what, we all bear a great loss. And nothing we do can bring him back to us.

It's just weird that going over to the house and not seeing dad in his office at the computer or outside piddling, or sitting at the bar in the kitchen talking to mom while she cooks dinner. I remember I'd go over there, put my stuff on the counter, and stand across from him as he sat in his barstool and we'd chit chat.

I fondly remember living with my parents from 1994-2001, they were among the best years of my life. We had so much fun. We ate dinner together, talked all the time, watched movies, worked outside, we were always together. I really enjoyed those years, it gave me something I didn't have before and now when I need to feel close to mom and dad, I can close my eyes and remember those times. I remember going to bed on a Saturday night, kinda late, dad was already sleeping, but mom would stay up in the living room in her recliner and she'd watch "I Love Lucy" and I could hear her cackling. And I remember when I was in bed at night and she was listening to my "Our Miss Brooks" old time radio shows while on her computer, she'd be laughing. Back then she and pa shared an office, sometimes they'd be in there together but usually late at night pa would be sleeping, I'd be in bed and mom would stay up late.

When Kim and Dave would come over on a Saturday, we'd just hang out and do our thing. Usually we talked and we did a lot of laughing. That was always nice. I lived there of course but when Kim and Dave came over, mom and dad loved it, they had all their kids together. And we'd spend hours just BS'ing about anything and everything. Usually we spent some time sitting on the front porch chatting, playing with Buddy Bean, mom would be inside getting her sauce ready for the dinner which would take place in a few hours. She always had to start the sauce early. We liked chatting though, dad would always work in a funny story or two. I remember Dave sitting on the steps by the front door, me readin gthe newspaper, and Kim playing with Buddy. As you can see, even Buddy Bean got into the spirit of the fun.

We loved family dinners. There were only two things mom would make when the family got together, it was either fried chicken or pasta, usually it was pasta. As you can see here, we're all either talking or stuffing our face!

Dad liked sitting with Kim and just talking to her. They could talk about things the rest of us dared not talk about. I think that dad saw a lot of himself in her, she has his personality, his strength, his guts, and so they bonded pretty well. They'd sit out on the bench under the trees and just chit chat about this and that. I know pa never wanted her to go home but he knew she had to.

I especially liked when dad would ask me for my opinion on something. He liked talking to me because I always gave him the other point of view. And there were times he told me that my point of view helped him in making a decision. It made me feel important :)

Oh and he loved his workshop! I remember pulling my car into his workshop every weekend and waxing it, while watching Die Hard II on the TV he had in the garage. He'd won this television at a convenience store drawing, it was a big ole Magnavox and it was nice. He put it in the workshop so we could watch movies while we worked. It was great! He was real proud of winning that television!

I could spend all day in there with pa, watching Bruce Willis or John Wayne movies and pidding in the shop, sometimes waxing the car, sometimes building stuff, sometimes just cleaning things up . Dad would get up before sunrise, make coffee and be out in the workshop working up a sweat by the time mom and I woke up. He'd come in three times a day for meals and in between for coffee breaks. But the rest of the time he was outside. He'd work out there after dinner until it got dark and he'd put the lights on in his shop. I do think that shop was his favorite place to hang out. He loved it there.

We do have years and years of wonderful memories. Mom's still here and we need to focus on her now and appreciate her. Mom promised us she would take care of herself and I know she will. She is much stronger now than she's probably been in years. I know she will go on and be ok. I know it's tough for her but we have each other, we're a family and so we'll all help each other out. When I think of dad I smile and he is with me and I feel ok.

I miss you pa, I miss you so much. But I'm ok, and we're taking good care of ma for you!

Love, Gaga

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