Sunday, April 05, 2009

We miss you pa.

Lately I've felt guilty because a day would go by and I hadn't thought of you as often as I had the day before. I suppose keeping busy keeps my mind off of the fact you have only been gone a couple of weeks. Sometimes I can't think about it. I still can't wear your necklace, the one mom gave me that you always wore---the Star of David with the cross in the middle. I want to wear it but I can't. Maybe soon I will be able to. I take your watch out and look at it every now and then. It's the watch mom says I gave you a few years back when I was living with you guys at home, long before Vin came along. I think I remember giving it to you LOL but so much has happened between now and then. You wore that watch all the time, you were wearing it when you died. I'd like to think that maybe a part of you is with that watch. I know semes corny doesn't it?

It still doesn't seem real but with each day it sinks in that you're gone. It isn't like you're just working or in the hospital, you're really never coming home.

Sometimes I get depressed, sometimes I cry, sometimes I get angry at you for leaving us. And then when all is said and done, I just miss you. But I am ok, each day gets better. Mom is doing fine, she's really holding together, much better than any of us expected. I told mom that she has really amazed me, that she is much stronger thn any of us gave her credit for. Dave, Kim, grams, we're all holding it together and helping each other, that's what you wanted.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous4/08/2009

    I have a friend who's daughter died 13 years ago. She was only twelve years old at the time. She was on vacation with her grandparents and they bought some fudge. They didn't know the fudge had nuts in it and she had an allegic reaction and went into shock. All of this is to tell you what my friend shared with us a couple of years ago. She still does and will always miss her daughter. Time has made it easier and she can enjoy life again. However, she felt guilty if she didn't take time out on a regular basis to think about her daughter and grieve all over again. She felt as though she were not honoring the memory of her daughter. She finally came to realize this is not what God wanted for her, nor is it what Jenny would have wanted for her either. It's okay for the pain to lessen. It has to. You can't carry that kind of pain around for ever. I know you are early in the grieving process, but I just wanted to share this with you. My friend now has a support group for mothers who have lost children. She is using her pain to help others who are hurting. Losing a loved one touches all of us at some point in time. Don't forget there are people out there who love you, including me. ~ ST