I'm spending way too much time pondering what I should be doing with my life. No matter how well I do my job, no matter how many classes I take in school, it doesn't seem like I'm really doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. Oh don't get me wrong, what I'm doing is important. The job helps pay the bills and certainly having been there 15 years looks good on a resume. And my courses are leading me towards my BA degree in History and education is always a good thing.
I'm going to be 40 soon and I am tired of feeling like a transient in life. I'm tired of not knowing where I'll be or what I'll be doing even though I've beeen in the same place for so long. There's so much more I am capable of doing and I don't know what it is.
The dreams I've been having for years must have something to do with it. The dreams always involve cars. There must be a reason. Or maybe not. Maybe it just is what it is. I can guarantee you when I go to sleep tonight and dream there will be a car involved somewhere.
I think if I can do some volunteer work it might help sort things out. It's just a little confusing. I've got to volunteer though. We donate to charitable causes as much as possible but I feel like we should do more. For me, maybe volunteering will help me figure out the meaning of my life.
Now is not the time to be having this crisis because I've got a lot to do at work and lots of studying, I've got my life at home to manage. I need to be focused and not