Saturday, September 05, 2009

I'm spending way too much time pondering what I should be doing with my life. No matter how well I do my job, no matter how many classes I take in school, it doesn't seem like I'm really doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. Oh don't get me wrong, what I'm doing is important. The job helps pay the bills and certainly having been there 15 years looks good on a resume. And my courses are leading me towards my BA degree in History and education is always a good thing.

I'm going to be 40 soon and I am tired of feeling like a transient in life. I'm tired of not knowing where I'll be or what I'll be doing even though I've beeen in the same place for so long. There's so much more I am capable of doing and I don't know what it is.

The dreams I've been having for years must have something to do with it. The dreams always involve cars. There must be a reason. Or maybe not. Maybe it just is what it is. I can guarantee you when I go to sleep tonight and dream there will be a car involved somewhere.

I think if I can do some volunteer work it might help sort things out. It's just a little confusing. I've got to volunteer though. We donate to charitable causes as much as possible but I feel like we should do more. For me, maybe volunteering will help me figure out the meaning of my life.

Now is not the time to be having this crisis because I've got a lot to do at work and lots of studying, I've got my life at home to manage. I need to be focused and not

3 comments:

  1. Anonymous9/06/2009

    I know all about this turning 40 thing;)

    Maybe being a great wife, daughter, sister, friend is what you are supposed to be doing with your life. Also, you should never under estimate the impact that you have on the people around you. Think of all the students who have crossed your path and all the ways ou have helped them. I guarantee you, you have made a positive impact on more people than you will ever know.

    Another thought on volunteering, maybe you should think about becoming active is a political organization. ~ ST

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, get active in Conservative politics...we need people like you!

    I just saw Tucker Carlson's horrifying piece about American textbooks and how the Left's taking our kids down the sewer and all the Conservatives are doing is whining....
    It's Democrats DO (ruin) and Conservatives COMPLAIN! DO volunteer with a School Board or something, Jess!

    Honey, it sounds to me like something else is going on; you're BUSY and productive and getting degrees and raking up excellent hours in one job which looks great on any resume as you say........ maybe something else is up? LIke frustration at America's problems or ?? I don't know...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't spend so much time worrying about what you should be doing with your life that you fail to realize that you're actually living "your life". It's funny how life has a way of carrying us along its eddies and currents and depositing us precisely where it wants us to be. If we spend all of our time struggling against life's current all that happens is we get tired and still get dropped off where the current wants us. It is fine to work on improving yourself, but you have to remember that the best goals are the ones that are attainable, short term enough to eliminate a most of the unforeseen, yet challenging enough to still be interesting and entertaining.

    ReplyDelete