Monday, October 26, 2009

I'd run your ass over but...

......they'd throw me in jail.

First it was the girl on the bike this morning at University & SW 34th Street. I was minding my own business at the light behind two other vehicles, waiting my opportunity to turn right onto 34th. The light turned green, the "DON'T WALK" light was RED (which means for the challenged folks, D-O N-O-T W-A-L-K). One car turns right on the green, then without warning, the moron on the bike just RIDES her happy ass across the street when the next car is trying to turn. I wanted so bad to honk on my horn and call that dumb bitch well--a dumb bitch. But Vin said, "it's not worth it" and I know he was right. Not only did she cross against the light but she never even looked to her LEFT to see that someone was about to turn!

My second missed opportunity came when I was on Museum Road on campus. I had just dropped Vin off at his work and was heading east to my office. There's a guy in front of me and a bicyclist on our right in the bike lane. Nearing the intersection and completely without warning, the cyclist turned left and cut off the guy in the car in front of me. Had I not been so busy thinking of all the expletives I wanted to direct at this moron, I would have actually opened the window and shouted them at him.

The morons in question have obviously not checked out the website which clearly outlines "How to Not Get Hit by Cars" an article which, if you actually have to read, in order to learn not to get hit by cars, perhaps you shouldn't be allowed out on a bike in public, period.

If it weren't for the fact that I would be arrested and that spending a night in jail scares the crap out of me (yes, I'm freely admitting the crack addix, hookas and other representatives of this fine community would beat the crap outta me), I would have taken the once-in-a-lifetime chance to run over one or both of these idiots this morning.

I wanted to write a scathing letter to the editor in the campus newspaper about this, but then I became concerned that UF's "one less car" "strive not to drive" "Have you hugged a cyclist today?" "No bicycles, no peace!" or my personal favorite--"People for the Ethical Treatment Of Bicyclists" crowd might seek me out and label me a terrorist and that would cause me a whole new set of problems.

So...for now I'll just have to dream about the joy of smacking one of those ignorant assholes with my car.


  1. Anonymous10/28/2009

    Ahh! The joy of bicyclists. They think they own the road and get in everyones way! Go ahead, I give you permission to run them over;-)

  2. This happened to me so many times when I worked at UF. It took all the control I had NOT to make roadkill out of them. Unfortunately, the morons who run the city of Gainesville cater to the bicyclists, and I would have been in jail as well.

  3. Anonymous10/29/2009

    Up here in Minnesota, these a-hole's, who are often complete in the full-on "serious biking gear", think that they are actually cars and will drive right down the middle of 30-35mph streets thinking that they're going that fast?! Hell, there's even enough room along the sides, but NOOOOOO....
    I especially love the dimwits who do this while it's -15 degrees outside!!
    ~ Renata1967