Friday, March 26, 2010

Student Body President should resign...

Recently, UF Police cited Student Body President Jordan Johnson with disorderly conduct. Click here to read the police report.

About 1:45 am on the night of the altercation, Johnson demanded SNAP (Student Nighttime Auxiliary Patrol) take him and his girlfriend to his off campus residence. (SNAP is funded by Student Government and its purpose is tp provide nightly escorts anywhere on campus).

When SNAP refused Johnson became rude and belligerent, and threatened Student Government should pull the organization's funding. SNAP called the police who questioned a very intoxicated Johnson. He refused to cooperate with police and had to be placed in wrist restraints. According to the report, when police inquired into his identity, he replied:

"You know who I am."

It turns out the police had to ask him again because they had no clue to his identity. He was rude and uncooperative with police.When Johnson was given the report to sign, initially he refused, saying he'd rather go to jail however when he was told just how bad things would get if he went to jail, he changed his mind (who wouldn't?).

By the way, the Alligator makes mention of how Johnson's attorney has in the past represented 23 UF football players. This is not pertinent but I thought I would throw it in there as an item of interest...

While Johnson has said this won't happen again, I don't think that is enough. I think he should have resigned. Johnson is in a position of power, authority and importance. Not only is he our President but he is also a member of the UF Board of Trustees. Yes, he was drunk, but that is not an excuse for his behavior.

When Johnson engaged in this behavior, we the students should have sent a message. No individual in a position of authority in Student Government or within University Administration called for his resignation. Though the police report states his case is being referred to Judicial Affairs, I doubt he will get more than a slap on the wrist.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Welcome to your life...

Today is one of the best days I've had in awhile. I'm beginning to think maybe this is a mid-life and no that's not a cop out, I really think it is part of the whole getting older deal. People have this idea that mid-life means going out and buying a fancy sportscar and getting a boyfriend or girlfriend (LOL!) but that's not what it means to me. Nope, it's something entirely different although if anyone has a clue where I can find a 1969 Ford Fairlane 500 in really great condition, let me know!!

I've always been told that as we enter a new decade of life, there are emotional and physical that accompany the age. Looking back I realize that is true. When I was in my 20's I was a different person, as was the case in my 30's, and now at 40. Not only are there physical changes that just come with age, but I think the best changes are those which make up our "person", you know--our "character". By that I mean that I am a more practical, intelligent, caring, common sense, understanding, compassionate, and humble person now than I have ever been in my life. That doesn't mean I wasn't all those things before, I think most everyone who knows me would agree I've always been that way. But it's just that with age comes wisdom and I believe that all the things about "me" are better now than they have ever been.

And that my friends is a good thing!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

All I can say is today was a better day. Not great, but not bad either. Did some homework, got a lot done at work. Still not my ideal self. I didn't go to class again today. Skipped Monday too. Eventually I've got to go back, only a few weeks left to go. But still, my joy about school and a lot of things has declined in recent days....I just take it day by day. :)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Have you ever felt lost? So lost that you don't think you will ever find your way back?

I've felt that way for days now. Only today did the sun begin to shine. But it was hard getting there.

At first I thought it had something to do with the one year anniversary of dad's death on March 11th. That week was hard, the 9th was the last day I ever had a conversation with him, the 10th he went into the hospital, the 11th he died and on the 12th we buried him. I had a doctor's appointment on the 10th and cried my way through it. My doctor's office is next to the hospital and I wanted to badly to go over there and thank all the people who were so kind to my dad and to us. But in the end I just couldn't go. I made it through my appointment, went home and felt pretty good.

But something happened Friday. It was the end of an extremely dead spring break week and something clicked in me that day. I don't know what it was or exactly when it happened but I started to feel severely depressed, I mean severely. I felt desolate, lonely, tired, scared, and absolutely lost. I felt I had no goals and nothing to look forward to in life. The only thing I didn't feel was suicidal. I have too many people who care about me, I value my life, and I believe suicide is a sin. God gave us one life, we have to live it as best we can, to take it because we're sad? Angry? Lonely? It's wrong. The way I see it you have to be sad sometimes to appreciate being happy.

Anyway, I just didn't know where to turn or what to do. I didn't know exactly WHY I was depressed so I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I distanced myself from everyone. I just felt so bad, I didn't want to go through the whole thing with them, they all have enough problems of their own. Even my closest friends Deb, Jeanette, Susan, and Diana, I didn't tell them anything. How could I? Would they understand? Have they ever felt this way?

I wish I could explain the emptiness where someone who had never been there could understand. It's like this dark deep well that you fall into and can't get out of. It's so scary to be there because you wonder if you will ever find your way out. I ask myself "will I feel like this forever?" and I know that it's a phase, and I will get through it, but oh my goodness I had to keep telling myself that over and over again saying life is good, life is good, be strong.

I didn't want to ever go back to work. I said to my husband, "I am tired of solving other people's problems, what about mine??" I really like my job and I'm damn good at it. Most of the time I'm solving problems and after awhile you just burn out on solving other people's problems. Meanwhile I just sweep mine under the rug. Till it builds up and I can't take it anymore.

I spent three days feeling that way. This morning getting ready for work it was a little better. I went to work with intentions of getting a lot done, which I did. I didn't go to class, but it was planned, I just didn't have the heart to sit in class today, to be around too many people. Usually I enjoy the walk over to Flint Hall and back but I just didn't want to be around too many people. So I did my work, solved problems like I usually do but I stayed away from most people, barely saying hello to the guys I work with. It was a friend's birthday, we work together but I just didn't have the "heart" to wish him Happy Birthday in person so I sent him an email, just so he would know I didn't forget. He always remembers my birthday, I felt bad afterwards that I didn't just smile and wish him a Happy day.

I wish I could figure out the dreams. I have the strangest most vivid dreams of anyone I've ever known in my entire life. Trust me, I've got you beat. I dream a lot about the same things, my car, living at my parents house (making lunches for me, bro and sis to take to work), being late for work (never am I late for work in real life!), an addition on my parents house (that my dad never built yet I dream about one), not being able to find my car at my old high school, things like that. It's just the same things over and over again. Different dreams with the same recurring themes. Drives me crazy.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Time to go to bed. I enjoy my sleep time because it's the one time that it's really and truly ok to just forget about all that is real.

Monday, March 08, 2010

On Friday, March 13, 2009 I blogged about the last conversation with my dad, just four days earlier:

I talked to him Monday morning, he called me at work as he usually did several times a week, the conversation going something like this:

"Hewwo gaga"


"You busy?"

"Yeah I'm always busy, what's up?"

And we talked for about a half hour about this and that. I told him about the topic of the most recent discussion in one of my courses, it was the American labor movement. Pa and I talked about unions and his experiences with them, and what I've learned and so on. Then I told him about this reality show Vin and I watched the day before called "Inside American Jail" and how it covered what goes on inside a jail when a person is being booked. It was quite a funny show and dad and I laughed at some of the outrageous crap that goes on inside jails during the booking process. Dad could relate to that, having spent nearly ten years as a Correctional officer in a private prison, state prison and county jail.

Anyway we talked awhile and before we hung up he asked me what time I would be at their house Saturday (it's his birthday) and I said "what time do you want me there?" and of course he said "anytime" and I said I'd be there at 10:30 a.m.

That was the last time I talked to him. That night he had a stroke...

And so here we are one year later on that same day and how I wish pa would call me at work one more time and say "hi Gaga".