It's been thirteen months since dad passed away and I find there are days I don't even think about it anymore. I still think about him, but I no longer feel overwhelming sadness as I did in the days and weeks after it happened. I miss pa like crazy but I guess time does heal. There are still moments I cry over him but they just aren't like they used to be. It's still hard to believe he's gone. I mean, damn, there wasn't a time he wasn't there. So it just seems unreal still that he's no longer with us. Have you ever eflt that way? Someone so close to you is gone and you're still some what shocked that they really are gone forever.
Death is not the best topic of discussion though my Christian friends are ok with it because in their eyes, after they die they go to a better place. I find it difficult to believe though that they don't have some regret over leaving "life" behind. I mean, once you die, everything changes, you no longer experience the things in life that you once did. I guess it's better when you die, at least I'm told it is, but still I think that it is normal to be a bit scared to "miss" life and even though the world has its problems, for the most part, I think life is good. I have often thought about death not because I'm a morbid person but because I wonder what it will be like. And I know there is only ONE thing none of us can ever escape and that is death. I think about not just my faimly but my friends, people I have known and cared about for so many years, will I ever see them again after we all go? I mean, I really do care about them and they hve made my life so good, I can't imagine not seeing them after we're all dead. See that's the problem, you can't think about death from a "life" perspective, which is what I am doing.
Speaking of death, since we are on the topic. It is really an awakening to open the paper and read the obits and find there are people dying left and right who are your age. Normally the people my age who are listed in the obits died from cancer. People my age just don't normally die from anything else. I mean they have accidents and all ,but cancer seems to be the big one with them. I've often wondered what my obituary would look like and hoping that mom or Deb or whichever of my closest friends or family who would write it, would include a good picture. Go figure there I am worrying about the picture that goes with the obituary! That and hoping that my best friend in the whole wide world--Deb-- will be sure to give a eulogy that brings down the house, and gives a party afterwards where everyone is drinking, eating and having a good time. A gal likes to have a good sendoff. I'm Irish, Italian, English, Scottish, Sicilian, German, and Romanian---there's no way you can send one of those off without one hell of a party!
Life is short, even if you live to be 100, it's still short when you compare it to how many years you are dead. Eternity is a really long time. I often ponder the unknown, not because I plan on going anywhere anytime soon but because it's the one big thing nobody will ever have figured out. It's fascinating to say the least...
More on this topic later!