Wow, is it October 3rd already?
For years I feared entering my 40's because it's a crucial turning point in one's life. It's nearing middle age and frankly I wasn't sure what to expect. When I look in the mirror I see that I need to lose a few pounds and I see a tiny strand or two of colorless strands among my still pretty fabulous naturally curly no-color-added reddish/brown tresses. I still have a fabulous sense of humor and other than a few aches and pains (that would disappear if I exercised more!) I just don't think I look or act like I thought a person nearing middle age was supposed to look and act like. Actually none of my old high school classmates look that way either. To me, we all look young, oh not as young as we used to be, but younger than we thought our parents were when they were this age. When we were 16 we thought of 41 as old, now we're there and it really doesn't feel old. In fact, while I still do not have children and will probably not have any, many of my high school classmates are grandparents already and to me, they just don't look old enough to be grandparents. But then neither did my parents when they became grandparents at my age.
We can't stop the aging process. I'm not afraid of getting old, I just want to feel good getting there. I fear the complications that come with aging because before we age we get a pretty good tutorial watching our parents and grandparents. We sure as hell don't want them to age but they do. And we will too. We say to ourselves we don't want to make the mistakes they did and we want to do things differently but in the end, it's in the genes. No matter how much we want to do things differently, it's hard to change. But we can keep trying can't we?
All in all, in the past 40 years I think I've had a pretty good life. Despite the mistakes and the regrets, I made it through ok. The older I get the wiser I get, that's the way it is. It should be that way. If it wasn't, I'd be seriously worried. These days I tend to weigh my decisions on right vs. wrong. I try to do the right thing. I try to be kind, caring and courteous to others. I just hope that in some way I've been a good influence to others. I used to kick myself for all the crap I've done in my life but then finally I realized that every single thing I have ever said and done has made me who I am today. And for the moment, I'm ok with that.