Monday, November 29, 2010

Holiday dinner madness...

Holidays.

The way it's supposed to work is that family gets together and has a nice meal and all is well.

Right?

Wrong.

Holidays are that special time of year when mom has to remind--no, wait--beg--everyone to be on their best behavior, which of course in reality, never happens.

There are many personalities at the family dinner. Take for example the relative who tells the most inappropriate jokes at the table during dinner and the family member sitting across from that person who is slowly sliding down her chair and onto the floor all the while saying PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT FINISH THAT PUNCH LINE. In the meantime once the punch line is actually uttered, there's the family member who laughs hysterically at the joke while everyone else is busy picking their collective jaws up off their laps. There's the family member who sits at the table forcing his opinion on everyone else while his spouse rolls her eyes, gives the evil eye and jabs said person in the ribs which is not supposed to be noticed but always is. There's the matronly one aka grandmother aka martyr who insists that she have no ice in her drink and take the smallest portion of everything which by the way consists of any food that is burned or overcooked or an "end piece."  To round things out we have the teller-of-tall-tales whose stories get more outrageous with every family dinner and finally (drum roll please), there's the relative who has an alarm clock in her colon that tells her when the dishes are ready to be cleared so she can make a run for the bathroom.

And of course I wouldn't know a thing about this kind of family dinner, now would I?

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous11/30/2010

    Ah, Jessica, I suspect you have hit the nail on the head for way too many families! BUT I must say, in defense of the "healthy families" good things can and do happen at family gatherings!! I have BTDT on both sides of the table, so to speak! Your writing is truly remarkable! Don't stop! Carol

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  2. is this my story? I'm really serious but extrangely when I laugh I laugh a lot. My stories seem to be a farytale, really really weird. On the other hand I'm always wanting to be right.

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  3. C'mon Jess, you were the one who always made sure there was a tape recorder close by to catch everything. You know you love it!

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  4. Ahh nobody said I didn't enjoy it. :)

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