Saturday, November 27, 2010

Turning point...

I don't mind saying things other people are afraid to say. I used to be afraid of what people might think but then I realized for every person who does not understand where I am coming from, there is someone who does. It is important for me to speak my mind not just for me but for all those out there who can't or won't. The most important reason though really is for me to be able to get things out and try and make sense of them.

I am not a happy person.

I am not a sad person.

I just am.

Am what?

I don't know.

That's why I'm here.

There are times I want to leave the life I have behind and search for something else, something more fulfilling. I am not saying the grass is greener on the other side and I am not saying I'm packing my bags tomorrow. It's just that I feel the need to explore, really live life, find out what my purpose is and why I'm here. There are times I want to put in my notice at work, pack my clothes, some money and say goodbye to the husband, the cats, the job, mom, grams, and my friends. This doesn't mean I don't care about the people around me, I do. And let me just say very firmly, the problem isn't them, it's me. 

I am regarded by my family and friends as an excellent problem-solver. This time though the problem is me which makes the process of solving much more difficult. One of the reasons I write is because it helps me think through my problems and so this is just a step in that process. I don't expect the answers to appear overnight but at least what I am doing here is a start.

3 comments:

  1. i understand. i, too, just AM. it's not such a bad thing...

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  2. Heidi! So good to hear from you. Great minds think alike. It's wonderful to know I am not alone. :)

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  3. Anonymous11/28/2010

    Dear Jessica,

    You are just like everyone else in your thoughts! Since I am a generation ahead of you, let me just say that as time passes, you will see that you ARE and you are just where you were meant to be! Look back over your life and realize HOW you got where you are today - it's an amazing mind trip when you realize, just one little turn in another direction and you would be somewhere entirely different . . . and I'm betting you would be feeling the same way there too! Your writings are amazing and they should zing lots of hearts! Love you, Carol

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