Sunday, February 12, 2012

The story of my life: Give me one moment in time...

I was in high school in the early/mid 1980's and when Whitney Houston made her debut, I was mesmerized by her as was the rest of the world. She was young, beautiful, talented and an absolute sweetheart. Everyone loved her. I loved dancing to her music and I was just in awe of her talent. I can remember wishing I'd been born with a voice like hers. At that time, I would have given anything...

When I was a little girl, I talked a lot, I had a lot of friends and I liked to be around people. I was reading when I was three years old and I don't think I stopped talking since! When I became a teenager I hard a hard time with peer pressure. There was nothing "wrong" with me but then again there isn't anything wrong with most teens who go through what I went through. When you're a teenager there are always some people who don't like you either because of your hairstyle, the way you dress or just because you are you. I had just as much spunk, personality, intellect and looks as the other girls but I didn't really have many friends. I still don't know why. When I was in high school I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be liked and be like everyone else. I really didn't feel like I fit in until I was a Senior. I made my mark by becoming a member of the yearbook staff and an editor of our school paper, writing the editorials, something which came naturally to me. It was then people began to take notice. They liked reading what I wrote and that made me feel good. 

Shortly after I graduated from high school in 1987,  I joined the military and was among peers, people like me, and for the first time I was accepted--I mean really accepted. I was among people like me and it felt great. I didn't have to try so hard to be liked. In the years after, I slowly began starting to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. Up to this point it's gotten better, though I hit roadblocks quite often, I still pick myself up and go on.

Twenty-something years later, here I am still working on my dream of becoming whoever it is I am supposed to be. I am working full-time, working on my History degrees, writing fiction, blogging, and making people laugh. I've often told my friends and family and even my psychologist that I'm trying to find myself, I want to be great. And they keep telling me "Jess, you already are" but at times it's not enough, I have to feel it. I feel like my entire life I've struggled to be someone great, that I have this destiny I am supposed to fulfill.  People tell me all the time how great I am but I don't feel it as strongly as they do. I wonder if it will always be like that. I think when it finally hits me, it's going to be the most incredible and best feeling I've ever had in my life. Nothing like a self-epiphany to change your life, right?  While I know my struggles aren't any better or worse than anyone else's, I feel that we can learn from each others experiences. If my journey can help someone else, then so be it. It's nice to know one is not alone in one's struggles. At least that's how I feel. 

Why am I writing about this now? I suppose it is because I was so incredibly moved this weekend remembering Whitney Houston while watching her performance at the 1989 Grammy Awards when she performed the song "One Moment in Time". It's always been on of my favorites. Whitney Houston's death is more to me than just another celebrity dying young. It's about the loss of someone I really admired in my younger years. It's about someone I grew up with, someone who inspired me, an icon of my teenage years, someone who worked hard to achieve her dreams and like the rest of us, she had her own share of troubles. Sadly her troubles were always made public and she struggled with some things many of us will never have to deal with. 

I don't think there is any other song that describes my life better than Whitney's "One Moment in Time". Every day of my life I work to find my own moment in time. I hope that Whitney knew how many lives she touched and I thank her for her grace, talent and humanity and for being a part of my generation and my life.
 


 
Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free.

2 comments:

  1. Don't spend your entire life looking for something that you've had all along.

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  2. Sounds like your Mom is right...
    One day I was talking with another buddy and we were debating who was better,Jimi Hendrix or Prince. I took Prince and my friend was shocked. He asked me "Why"? Because Prince's story isn't done and he didn't destroy his gift. So truth be told....Whitney would have done better to be inspired by someone like you,Jessica,who is still striving,discovering and enjoys life.

    ReplyDelete