Monday, July 02, 2012

Last night I had the worst dreams I've ever had....

Last night I do believe I had the worst dreams I've ever had in my entire life. When I say that, I mean it because I have the unique knack (or so I am told it is unique) to remember dreams vividly going back to my childhood.

Last night's dreams were beyond anything I've ever experienced. I just don't feel I can express them all here but I will say that I "woke up" which was really in itself a dream, and from that point terribly weird and frightening things began happening. In the dream, I would wake up and go through things only to find out it too was a dream. It was like a sequence of bad dreams back to back within one.

It was like a series of dreams, I would wake up and think everything was normal and then it wouldn't be. But I would never wake up in my own bed, I'd wake up wherever I was in the dream, always in the same bed, same place but with a terrible feeling. I'd go through all this bullshit in the dream only to find out it was a dream and I wasn't awake yet. It was just horrible.

The very last dream was me sitting in this room on a floor with two old ladies and they gave me this bottle to drink. It was a bottle of liquid within a bottle of liquid. I could only drink the liquid in the inner bottle. It seemed as if they were trying to help me. But I recall that as I sat there I began to experience things, in my head, almost as if I was in another dream within a dream. Lots of blood, a hospital room, my sister there talking, and in the end while I sat with those old ladies my belief was that the person in the hospital room was me, I'd been shot or something, there was blood everywhere and they were trying to bring me back. When I drank the liquid, somehow it made me have to choose between life or death. But when I thought I had saved myself, somehow I find out my mom was there and it was her in the hospital bed, I think.

I wish I could explain what's in my head right now but I can't because it's jumbled. I remember every part of the dream but not through words, through pictures which I can't figure out how to get into words, at least not coherently. All I can tell you is that in all my years I have never ever had that experience which tells me something somewhere is very wrong. I don't know what or who but something doesn't feel right. 

When I woke I felt drained, like I hadn't slept and I had one thing on my mind...something bad has happened. Someone close to me has died. The only person who kept going through my mind was my grandmother. Since I still have both my living grandmothers, I will tell you it was "grams" my mom's mother who lives next door to her. I woke up and said these words, "grams died in her sleep last night." Then I cried. In my head, the voice kept telling me she was dead. It was beyond certainty.

At the time I write this, it's just after 4:30 a.m and I have not called mom to wake her up and ask her to call grams and check on her. I suppose if it's true there's nothing I can do but if it's not true it will be a relief.

Before you ask, no I did not watch or read anything unusual, the last thing I watched last night was M*A*S*H and it ended at 7:00. I did not eat anything unusual yesterday, my meals were light and my dinner consisted of steamed veggies, a sliced tomato and a baked potato. I didn't take any prescription meds or any other drug before going to sleep. It was all "me".

And now I am left to deal with the images of this dream and figure out what they meant because something tells me they meant something.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous7/04/2012

    Wow! That's really intense! Dreams can be so disconcerting,but thing buried in other things...layered, very complicated.

    -Beth

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  2. Anonymous10/13/2012

    So, is your granny ok?

    ReplyDelete