Andy finds out Opie only donated three cents to the charity for needy boys. So he tries to teach Opie the finer points of being charitable...
Andy: Well...if it ain't Charlie Moneybags, the big philanthropist. How d'y' do?
Opie: What ya talkin' about, pa?
Andy: I'm talkin' about the underprivileged children's drive.
Opie: Oh, they collected for that at school, pa.
Oh I know they did. Oh, I know they did, and when they called your name
you gave the large, generous amount of three cents. My! that 'as big of
ya, Diamond Jim.
Opie: Did I give 'em too much, pa?
Andy: Too much?
Opie: I could ask 'em to give back two cents.
Now lookey heah! We better talk about this thing. Now, now, now look
here, Opie, you-huh-you can't give a little bitty piddlin' amount like
three cents to a worthy cause like the underprivileged children's drive.
I, I 'as readin' here just the other day where there's somewhere like
four-hundred needy boys in this county alone, or one-and-a-half
boys per square mile.
Opie: There is?
Andy: There sure is.
Opie: I never seen one, pa.
Andy: Never seen one what?
Opie: A half-boy.
Andy: Well it's not really a half a boy, it's a ratio.
Opie: Horatio who?
Not Horatio - a ratio. It's mathematics, 'rithmatic. Look, now Opie,
just forget that part of it. Forget the part about the half-a-boy.
Opie: It's pretty hard to forget a thing like that, pa.
Andy: Well, try!
Opie: Poor Horatio.
Andy: Now look, Horatio is not the only needy boy...son, uh,
didn't you, didn't you ever give anybody anything just for the pleasure
of it? Ju-somethin' you didn't want anything in return for.
Opie: Sure. Just yesterday I gave my friend Jimmy somethin'.
Andy: Now that's fine. What'd you give him?
Opie: A sock in the head.
Andy: I, I meant charity.
Opie: I didn't charge him nothin'.
Andy: I meant somethin' for the joy of givin'.
Opie: I enjoyed it...I don't like Jimmy no more; he makes fun of Charlotte.
Andy: Who's Charlotte?
Opie: My girlfriend.
Andy: Yeah...well I, I just don't see how anybody who has got as much as you could care so little about others.
Opie: I care about others, honest.
Andy: Not when you give a little piddlin' amount like three cents, that's bein' selfish. You shoulda
given at least a half-a-dollar or a dollar.
Opie: A dollar. Gosh,
pa. I only have two dollars an' twenty cents in my whole piggy bank,
and I'm savin' it to buy Charlotte somethin'.
Andy: Well now, that's
dandy. That is just dandy. Whole dollars you'll squander on your
girlfriend Charlotte, but when it comes to the underprivileged
children's fund you've got only three cents.
Opie: I wasn't gonna squander it, pa. I wasn't gonna squander it.
Opie: What's squander?
Andy: That's throwin' your money away foolishly.
Opie: Oh, but pa, I wouldn't be throwin' it away.
Andy: All I can say is if your head can be turned by a pretty face at your age, heaven help you when you're