Monday, October 03, 2016

Dear Jess: A Note From Your Conscience On Your Birthday...

Dear Jess,

Well, here we are, another year older. We've been through a lot haven't we? Yep. I know everything--the good, the bad, and the ugly, your hopes, dreams, greatest joys and deepest fears. I know where all the bodies are buried. That's right, I know allAnd so, on the occasion of this little thing called your birthday (or rather our birthday), a day you insist on treating like any other common day, which, by the way, I find rather appalling (not even so much as a bottle of wine---what's up with that?), I have a few things I want to say to you and you're going to listen. Oh really don't have much choice in that do you? :)

So, here goes...

You're smart. Shocking isn't it? Considering all the stupid shit you've done in your life? But that stupid shit doesn't define you, it probably actually made you a better person. Don't tell anyone I said that. And stop deflecting when people tell you that you're smart. Do you think Einstein deflected when people told him he was smart? Don't go getting a big head, you're no Einstein, but you get my point.
You're a great writer. Mrs. B would not have fought with Mr. Irvin to get you in her Journalism class back in high school if she hadn't seen your potential. The same goes for Diana. Twenty-three years after she had you in her first college English comp course, she's still your friend and mentor. She would not lie to you. You've got the gift. Believe in it. Look at it this way, if you weren't any good at it, you wouldn't be getting paid for it. If you weren't any good at it, people either tell you that you suck at it or they wouldn't say anything at all. There's your sign. 

You're funny. I've been telling you for years to take this show on the road but you always come up with a reason not to. Frankly, I think you're just too much of a weenie to do it but hey, I'm just your conscience, what do I know? 

You care. Hey, it beats being an unfeeling asshole any day of the week. 

You're too hard on yourself.  FFS! Lighten up, Frances.


Stop feeling guilty. Oy vey. Now, this is a tough one because the Jewtalian in you can't help but get sucked in (apparently it's a rite of passage in this family) but you just have to fight it. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you do more than enough. Hey, here's a novel idea...take all that energy you're expending on feeling guilty and put a swift kick in the ass of the schmucks who should be doing more. You know who I'm talking about. Oh, yessssss.

Know when to say no. No. Not now, you idiot. 

Happiness isn't constant. Awww poor BB, are you feeling sad? TOUGH! IT HAPPENS! GET OVER IT!  Anyone who says they're happy 24/7 should be escorted to the nearest padded cell because that is not reality. Happiness is basically those 10-second respites in between life crises--now that's reality. Face it, sometimes life sucks. You deal with it and move on. 

Don't fear change. Things will change whether you want them to or not and it's much harder to deal with it if you fight it. Figure out how you can make it work for you instead of against you.

Take care of yourself. It's nice that you always put others first. Really? No, fix that.

Multitasking is bullshit. No need to elaborate.

Stop worrying about that "big thing" you're supposed to be doing. Oh but I just know there's something out there I'm meant to do... Blah, blah blah. Think about it, you're already doing it. You don't have to go big to have a big impact. 

You can't prepare for everything. You're driving me crazy with this.

Therapy is everything. If I haven't already thanked you for this, thank you. You're welcome.

Screw what other people think. I'm awarding you "Most Improved" in this category.

You can do anything you want with your life. I'm going to make you see this if I have to beat it into you. Wouldn't that look a little strange?

The "little voice". Listen to your gut instinct...that is until it starts nagging you incessantly and then...silence it. Wine helps.

Screw that "live like you are dying" shit. It's not possible. You can't possibly live like that unless you're really dying.

Life is short. Well, duh.

Until next year...

ps...Happy Birthday! Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself it's going to be a great year and then make it so. And as soon as the little voice starts in (because you know it will), tell it to STFU. :)

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